When you first meet someone new chances, are that it’s all about the things you have in common, whether it’s music, movies, or personal values.

But the world of dating can be so much more than black and white, and one gray area that many weed lovers find themselves in is how to introduce a THC-free partner into their lives long-term. And what about when you take the next steps in the relationship, like moving in together?

Cohabitating as a stoner with a non-stoner

I’ve been in a relationship with a non-stoner for close to 3 years. When we began to discuss and act on moving in together my anxiety soared. It wasn’t that he was unaware of my weed enthusiasm. That’s a pillar of my personality. But my fear was that the amount I smoke could make a living situation tense, or worse, unlivable.

I was sure that my power-smoking ways would be the death of us. But thanks to my partner’s judgment-free personality and the acknowledgment of the habits that he, too, brings into the equation – our living situation remains equitable and my love for ganja remains unstifled. 

This kind of domestic peace didn’t just happen by accident. It took big discussions and a mindset that sees the perks in a partner who’s not a cannabis consumer. 

Starting the discussion of weed in the household is the hardest part, but you don’t have to go into it blindly. Here are two thoughts to get the conversation started. 

Be honest about the amount you smoke.

There is no sense in telling your boo thing you’re only smoking a joint a day if that joint is actually five joints. Start with that foundation of honesty.

Also, if you are also combining finances, the amount you smoke will impact the bank account. Surprising your partner with massive weed purchases can cause drama if they aren’t prepared for your stoner spending.

Prepare to discuss boundaries.

Sharing space with that loud can be, well, loud and a non-smoker might not find the smell as enticing as you do. Therefore, you both need to do some boundary setting.

For instance, do you have a smoking room? Is there a time of the day when smoking in the living room can negatively impact the vibe of the house?

Asking these questions of yourself and your partner can help set you up for success long after the U-haul pulls away.

A conversation is all fine and dandy, but it’s okay if genuinely bummed about being the lonely stoner in the relationship. That’s a fair and valid feeling that we can help you shake.

You don’t have to ignore the feeling, but there are plenty of bright sides when you need a gut check that you’re relationship will be okay. Here are the best parts and the real perks to having a THC-free partner. 

1. All the weed is your weed.

If you’ve ever lived with another stoner you know all too well how fast you can smoke up all the weed in your house.

Being the sole cannabis enthusiast means when you go buy that eighth, you’re the only one smoking that eighth. And of course, financially, a weed budget for one will always be less than a weed budget for two. 

2. Built-in alone-time

Going from dating to moving in can be a shock to the system. Suddenly someone else is there all the time. And no matter how much you love someone you gotta take time to connect with yourself.

When you have the ganja all to yourself, that can be your moment to go take a deep inhale and be alone for a few moments. Plus absence makes the heart grow founder and my guess is, after a few tokes by yourself, you’ll be feeling light and ripe for some cozy time with your babe. 

3. There’s always a sober driver.

With you being the only one smoking you can take that trip to the store, high af, at a moment’s notice cause you’ve got a partner who can drive. 

4. Always something to talk about.

Having a varying lifestyle from your partner means you will always have things to say to each other. You’re the cannabis expert in the relationship, so tell them about the weed you smoking, and your high thoughts. There’s nothing quite like your biggest sober fan weighing in on your great high idea. 

5. You still get to get high.

So what if you have a supportive partner who just so happens not to smoke weed. If a non-smoker is a dealbreaker for you, then recognize that and run for the smokey hills.

But let’s just say it’s not all gravy and it’s one of the few differences you have to work through. To be honest, if you are both committed to living together, it shouldn’t be the hardest hill your relationship will have to climb.

Just because your person is weed-free doesn’t mean you have to be. They knew you were a stoner when they came into this thing and being a stoner you can remain. 

Relationships are complicated enough, but the cannabis conversation and the combining of a stoner/non-stoner household doesn’t have to be complicated.

With an honest, open mind and some clear, intentional boundaries you can be living in dank, domestic bliss. So light one up and get your free ride to the dispensary – just make sure you play something for your boo on the way there.

Alyssa Yeoman

Alyssa Yeoman is a comedian, writer, and producer. They co-host Leafly’s podcast The Roll-up, manage the site’s social media presence, and host Seattle’s Moth StorySLAM.

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